Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
