well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my being single is dangerous.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
