my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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