I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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