I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
