Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
