The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
