Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
