I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize