I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
