Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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