OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
