i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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