The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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