I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
