I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
