Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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