I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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