the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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