I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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