I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
