I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the day after is always just damage control
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
