She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
