I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
