Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He felt like a one man threesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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