now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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