I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
