Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
