so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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