Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
