be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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