I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
