Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
