weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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