seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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