things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
