Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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