This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
