he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
