she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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