Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i love accidental penises.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
