I hate your face
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
