He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
