where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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