We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
