apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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