you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
