dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wear drunk well.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
