he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
