wrigley field is MILF paradise
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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