You smell like a Billy Joel song
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
