You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
