hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
