How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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