saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
