Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
