Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He has the fingertips of a God
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
