where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
