The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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