I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
