dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
