Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
