But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
