Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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