Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
