dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
