Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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