I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
