You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
