you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
