is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
