Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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