So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
