Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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