You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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