Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
