Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
