i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
