I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
