she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
