I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
