i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
