i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize