like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
