Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
