Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need moral support for this bender
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
