I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
