Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Someone shattered a urinal.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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