ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm like, not good at living.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
