We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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