Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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