dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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