erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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