Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
