remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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