shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
