dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
