Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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