don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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