one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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